Welcome back to The Deal Space where business isn’t just a game - it’s a full contact sport.
We have one big purpose here - to win more or learn trying.
Today’s Topic: Leadership
Reading time: ~3 minutes
Why telling a story is the best way to teach people.
Practical steps for leaders to make influencing easier.
Never, ever, quit.
Tears stung my eyes. I wanted to disappear. It was all over.
“Don’t stop!” my Mum screamed at me.
“Keep going! Don’t stop! Do your best!”
It was sports day at primary school. It was the 4 x 100m relay. I was the school’s best sprinter. And I was dead last.
I don’t like losing very much (act surprised, please). I play to win. I hate losing more than I love winning. As General Patton said, “I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed.”
Back then I was a sore loser.
And I was a quitter.
My Mum knew it, and I knew it.
I was so sick of this about myself. I knew it was awful and I hated it.
I felt anger and embarrassment whenever I knew I’d fail. The devastation that I wasn’t going to win. In this race I was so far behind, with no chance at all. I didn’t want to keep running, I wanted to stop and quit.
Mum was doing what Mum’s do best.
“Keep going! Don’t stop!” She was running beside the track, yelling to me and chasing me as I ran.
Seeing Mum in full flight flipped a switch in me.
The next kid was 50 meters up ahead and I decided to go for it.
I swung my arms and pumped my knees. There was nothing more important to me in that moment. My focus narrowed. The world stood still. I could hear Mum cheering. I think it was relief! She was desperate for me to keep going and to not give up.
Did I win the race? Definitely not.
Did I learn trying? Definitely.
I was filthy that I didn't win, of course. But I was stoked that I hadn't quit.
I’ll never forget this gift from my Mum. It is the formative moment I look back on that made me, me. Mum probably doesn’t even remember it, and it single handedly changed the direction of my life. It’s the moment I made up my mind about the non-negotiable importance of effort and hard work and never quitting.
So, what’s the point?
The point of my story is to prove a point.
I could have just told you that I used to be a quitter and now I’m not.
How memorable would that have been for you?
My story tells you something about me more than any statement of fact or opinion.
You can picture my Mum running at the sports carnival. You can imagine my despair at being so far behind. I’m sure you have stories like this from your life. Maybe you can relate it to something similar that has happened to you?
The point is that this story is a more effective way for me to connect with you (and beg you desperately to never give up on yourself) than just telling you that you shouldn’t quit.
Telling stories gives something to everyone.
~40% of people are visual learners: videos, diagrams, or illustrations.
~40% of people are auditory learners: lectures and discussions.
~20% of people are kinesthetic learners: doing, experiencing, or feeling.
“Storytelling works for all three types.
Visual learners appreciate the mental pictures storytelling evokes.
Auditory learners focus on the words and the storyteller’s voice.
Kinesthetic learners remember the emotional connections and feelings from the story.”1
What this means for leaders.
Every interaction in business is an opportunity to influence and to teach.
Most days you need people to change their attitudes, beliefs, knowledge, and behaviour.
Information alone will rarely achieve this.
But your stories can.
Stories about mistakes teaches about thinking through problems.
Stories about ruin and disaster teaches about risk.
Stories about conflict teaches about relationships.
Stories about moral dilemmas teaches about ethics.
Stories about failures teaches resilience.
Stories about success inspires.
With a simple personal story you demonstrate your values, show humility, offer insight and knowledge, and present yourself as approachable.
If you’re a leader, start approaching learning moments by connecting with people with a personal story.
Telling a story is the best way to teach people or influence them - and these are things that leaders do every single day.
You’ll connect more deeply with people by sharing your story - by being vulnerable and showing humility. There is very little downside to having more connection and engagement with the people that you work with.
Oh, and I almost forgot - never, ever, quit.
PS Do you have a story that is a formative memory for you and that made you who you are? I’d love to hear about it! If you send me a message or leave me a comment, then I promise to reply to you.
1
Harvard Business Publishing, What Makes Storytelling So Effective For Learning? Vanessa Boris, 2017.
