Good morning! On today’s sh*tbox Showdown, we’re living life a quarter-mile at a time and looking at a couple of drag racers. One is ready to go, but its owner can’t get in and out of it anymore, and the other needs a powerplant before it can go anywhere.
But first, let’s check in on yesterday’s funny-looking entries. The voting was close, and the general consensus was that either one is an interesting project. It’s not that the 200SX wasnot worthy; it’s just – you know.
Personally, I could more or less flip a coin and choose between the two. Yeah, that’s kind of a cop-out answer, but I’ve had a long day and I’m tired. All right fine – I’ll choose. I’ll take the Pacer.
I’m writing this from the surprisingly nice Little America Hotel & Resort in Cheyenne, Wyoming. My wife and I are on Phase 2 of our big cross-country move, and it was along day in the car. At one point we both definitely had a “Murtaugh moment.” Sometimes, you just have to admit that you’re getting too old for this sh*t. The seller of one of today’s cars comes out and says as much, and the other one strongly implies it. Are you too old for these sh*tboxes? Let’s take a look and see.
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1979 Ford Pinto – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 350 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Odometer reading: unknown
Operational status: Runs and drives great, but not street legal
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The tradition of turning small economy cars into quarter-mile missiles goes way back to the beginnings of drag racing. Fiat Topolinos and Ford Anglias got chopped up by the dozens and had humongous engines shoved into them, all in the name of dragstrip glory. It stands to reason, then, that a ’70s rear-wheel-drive economy car would excel in that capacity as well.
This little Ford Pinto has had its four-cylinder engine removed and replaced by a Chevrolet small-block and a Turbo-Hydramatic 400 automatic, a time-honored drag racing combination. The seller didn’t build this car, it doesn’t sound like, and so doesn’t have a whole lot of information about the engine. They do say it runs great, and “WANTS TO GOGOGO.”
Inside, it’s gutted, of course, with nothing but a steering wheel, a bank of toggle switches, and a B&M ratchet-type shifter to occupy the driver’s attention. It also has a full roll cage, and therein lies the seller’s problem – they have a bad back, and can’t wriggle in and out of the car around the side bars. The car needs a more limber driver.
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Obviously, it’s a one-trick pony, so to speak – it’s not street-legal, so you’ll need a trailer. With some work, you could probably put it back on the road, but if you did that you’d have to procure a title for it, which isn’t necessary for a race-only car.
1970 Plymouth Duster funny car – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: Nothing but a rear axle
Location: Tucson, AZ
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Odometer reading: Don’t think it has one
Operational status: Strictly lawn art
I have to confess: I love funny cars. Especially the ’70s ones like this. The exaggerated proportions, the bright paint jobs, the decals on the front that look like a grille and headlights, the big slicks in back – it’s like all my favorite Hot Wheels and model kits from when I was a kid, only bigger.
Just so we’re clear: there is no 1970 Plymouth Duster in this car. It is a custom tube chassis, wrapped in a fiberglass body. Unlike the later “flip-top” funny cars, this car’s body doesn’t lift up as one piece. It has a driver’s door, and I believe a flip-forward nose. There’s nothing under that hood at the moment; this car used to run a 440 V8 and probably a built Torqueflite automatic, but right now it’s powerless.
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It sure looks the part, with its Centerline wheels and that impossibly long front end. Look hard enough at this picture and you can almost hear that big-block crackling at idle, shaking the ground as the car lines up for a run. That is, if you look past the weeds and the broken pavers strewn about it.
It would take just the right sort of buyer to see the potential in this car and want to return it to its dragstrip days. I know I’m not that sort of buyer; however, if I had unlimited funds and a place to put it, I’d be tempted to buy it just so I could say “I own a funny car.” Because let’s be honest – that would be cool as hell.
One of the items on my car bucket list is to take a pass down a dragstrip. I don’t even really care in what; I just want to try it. One of these is ready to try it right away, but it doesn’t quite look the part. The other one looks amazing, but it’s a long way from the starting line. Which one would you choose?
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Image credits: Craigslist sellers
